Wow. It has been entirely too long since I’ve poured my heart out on this incredibly non-private website… Um, yeah. So, hopefully I’m about to fix this little problem.
I think the last time I wrote, I was talking about wanting a car, but not really desiring just a car. & I still don’t have a car, so I suppose that is no big surprise. I had also not left yet for Camp Happy Valley, the kid’s camp I had the pleasure of working at for 6 weeks. I think I will start (and probably end) there…
Camp Happy Valley. I could seriously write about it for days and days. Being a counselor to ten to fifteen 9-11 year olds was quite the experience. I was basically a mother to these girls for a week at a time, and although I had a great co-counselor right alongside me, I felt a HUGE personal burden for each and every camper. Many of the kids that showed up were underprivileged and just needed love. Many of them had experienced abuse, neglect, poverty, and a million other things that children should NEVER have to experience. I was never actually faced with speaking to a child about these issues on a personal level, but I felt the need for love and attention just radiate from a majority of my campers. I think the toughest aspect of camp was placing myself and my wants and needs on the back burner and simply loving and ministering to these kids. By the last week, I was SO tired and so ready to have some “me time”, but for many of these kids, it was the only time in the whole year that they would be able to experience God’s love. And I was so blessed to have been able to try and convey that love to them.
One week that really stands out in my mind is the cancer/blood disorder camp (Camp Winaca & Hemovon). I only had four girls in my cabin that week. Two of them live with a blood disorder and the other two have gone through the horrors of cancer. They have basically had their childhoods ripped from them, but they were some of the most fun-loving, brave, beautiful girls I have ever met. The toughest thing about that camp, however, was that we couldn’t blatantly tell them about Jesus because it is a government-funded camp. Needless to say, I completely broke the rules and did devos with them every night. The very last night of camp, we had an amazing discussion about who God is and His love that He showed through His Son. I may never see the fruits from that conversation, but it was so powerful to let God work through me that night.
Something else about this summer was that I got to spend most of it with my boo. :)
We both were able to work at camp, so we learned so much more about each other (the good and the bad). We made it out alive and we’re still doing well, so who knows what that could mean? ;)
To wrap up this jumble of my recent experiences, I just have to say that I am incredibly grateful and SO blessed to have had the summer that I had. I have learned so much about myself, my God, and my boyfriend (of course). God has been able to point out many of my strengths as well as a myriad of my weaknesses that I need to work on. God convinces me more and more everyday that He is so sovereign and so ready to use me if I would just have the faith to let Him. This summer has left me exhausted, filled with joy, and anticipating what He has next for my life.
I just can’t wait for the fall….
all-consuming fire, You’re my one desire.
Months before I had any idea of what I would be doing this summer, I knew exactly what I wanted. A car. Yes, I have a car, but it is unreliable and sort of… ugly. Therefore, I set aside this summer as the one in which I would make a drastic upgrade in my realm of transportation. I decided that I would have to work long hours at a job I may not particularly enjoy, but the end result would be a car worth driving (and that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen in).
Things worked out pretty well, to be honest. I found a good-paying job working at a kids camp for six weeks, leaving me with the rest of the time to work at Food Lion. I even landed myself a job at Starbucks next semester to cover the expenses of insurance, gas, and a potential monthly car payment. Yes, I had it all figured out. Perfection.
But… (yeah, you knew it was coming)
As my first week of work at Food Lion came and went, I was just feeling weird about it all. I mean, there I was, in the beginnings of reaching this goal that I had for the summer, and I just didn’t feel right about it. What the heck was wrong with me? It was what I wanted, right?
My problem was that I was idolizing that car. I had no idea what make, model, year, or color that car was going to be, but I was making it my deepest desire. Seriously. It was terrible. The Holy Spirit absolutely called me out on my mistake, too. One night after skyping Aaron (my boyfriend) and after getting frustrated with him about something completely stupid (I don’t even remember what it was), I realized that something was standing in between me and my relationship with God. Whatever it was went on to effect my relationships with others.
Then it hit me. The car. That stupid car. I was wanting it so badly that I was giving myself tunnel vision, and it wasn’t light at the end of that tunnel. It was a car. Then I lost it. God completely broke me of my selfish desire of such an earthly item. By making a car my ultimate goal for the summer, I was saying that if I didn’t get the car, my summer would be meaningless. I was saying that I wouldn’t have enough if I didn’t end up with a car. It’s funny because as a Christian I should KNOW that God is ENOUGH! Period. I sobbed. Yeah. The kind of sob where you use almost an entire roll of toilet paper mopping up your snot and tears (we were out of tissues).How could I be so selfish? I just shared with you in my previous post about all the blessings that God has given me, and I was wanting MORE?! & it’s great to want blessings from God, but they shouldn’t be in the form of material possessions! I should have been wanting more of HIM! More of His grace, more of His love, more of His personality to shine through me. I should want things that bring God the glory.
At the same time, I should know that I have ALL I will EVER need in Him already. If I don’t make another dollar my entire life, I should be okay with that because I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, guiding my every single action, thought, and word.
So, do I have a car yet? No. But here’s my plan for the rest of my summer:
I will continue to work. Not for a car or any other material item, but for Christ. He has called me to get off my lazy booty and work, so I will do that for His glory. I will rest in the fact that He will provide for my every need according to His good and perfect will, NOT according to my demands.
Would I still like to have a car? Of course! But that desire will no longer dictate my life. God, however, will call all the shots. Maybe I’ll end up with a car this summer, maybe not, but either way, to God be the glory.
If you would have told me a year ago that I would be right where I am today, I may have laughed in your face. Either that, or completely freaked out. In just a year, my life has been turned completely upside down (in SUCH a good way) and all the credit goes to none other than my all-sufficient Savior, Jesus Christ. If I haven’t learned anything else it’s that He is good. He is SO incredibly good.
Just for a recap, last summer I was forced to transfer to an in-state school because I could no longer afford Liberty, my dream school. Pretty much every other school in the world seemed like 2nd best compared to LU, and I was not the least bit thrilled about the change. It’s funny, though… as soon as I let go of the situation and let God have control, I was completely content with being somewhere else.
I was “content” last summer, but this summer, I am SO glad everything that went down last summer landed me where I am today. Like I’ve mentioned before, EVERYTHING just fell into place as soon as I handed it over to God. I didn’t really have to make any decisions because God was literally just leading me to where I needed to be.
After my first semester, I was happy with where I was, but I felt God pulling me in a different direction career-wise. Then, I was studying Elementary Education, and I think I would have liked that, but I really felt like there was something else out there that would be a better fit. Within a few days, I fell in love with the Communication Disorders program and I am now on my way to being a Speech-Language Pathologist. I can’t help but think back on the countless prayers that I sent to God asking Him if He would reveal to me what degree I should pursue. I was using Him like a Magic 8 Ball, waiting for some kind of neon sign, but it wasn’t like that at all. It just kind of happened, and I felt completely at peace with it. (& I still do!) I just let God lead, and this is where I’ve ended up.
ANOTHER blessing (and maybe my favorite) was well… my boyfriend. :) I’m not trying to be all mushy or whatever, but he is pretty incredible, and he loves Jesus with all his heart. Okay. I could go on forever, but I’ll stop there to save you from gagging.
So, yeah… I have had a pretty amazing year full of blessings, and I owe all the praise to my awesome Creator. I guess my advice would be just to trust God. Sometimes we don’t even know if there will be ground under our feet when we take our next step, but just keep walking.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. -2 Corinthians 5:7
As soon as summer hits, I will once again start posting things with meaning.
So, don’t unfollow me just yet. :)
Hi. I don’t know if I know you right now, or when I’ll meet you. But I know that I want to be able to act like a little kid whenever I’m with you. I want to be able to run down the aisles of a grocery store on a shopping cart with you. We can build forts in the living room, camp in our backyard.I can’t wait to meet you for the first time.
No one says you have to settle. Wait for the man who will make you happy. Wait for the man who will complete you romantically. You’re worth it.
A relationship will not make us happy or solve all of our problems. We must find contentment alone before we can have it with another.
I don’t like the term “falling in love”. When you fall, its a mistake and you always get back up. I want to grow in love with you instead. Learning to love you through the good and bad times. I don’t want our love to be a mistake